events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it
shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day,
today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
I'd always thought a sedentary lifestyle was the goal and I must admit, it was wonderful while it lasted. However, some of us are just built for activity and work for those of us that find this to be true, the result is a longer happier life.
I've lost 26 lbs of jolly fat and trimmed the beard and I feel great, the beard may have to make a come back this winter, the chicks dig it.
I'd eaten late, really late, just finishing an
albacore tuna sandwich, crackers and cheese around 11:30 pm, 10 minutes later
the dirty plate was still sitting on the end table next to me, unfortunately, glancing at
that plate with my disapproving attitude was not solving the problem, it had
worn out its welcome, but that damn plate would not be ignored, just sitting
there. So I got up and took the annoying right wing republican tea partyish
plate into my kitchen and ran water over it. That little
self-imposed drama over. I headed back toward my living room chair, suddenly
changing directions, I walked thru my home office and out the front door onto the porch, craning my neck upward staring toward the cloudless sky, the stars
were shimmering with the grand intensity only seen during these bitterly cold
winter nights, it was a breathtakingly beautiful sight, the lyrics to Moondance
ran through my head, Van Morrison what a fucking stud. Then my brain and skin objected to the temperature and inside seemed better than out of side, so in I went.
Back inside my warm cozy house,
every time I think those words “warm cozy house” it reminds me of a Hobbit Hole
"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet
hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare,
sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole
and that meant comfort."
I know that
may be an odd thought, as I live in a house not a Hobbit Hole, it’s just one of
those strange thoughts that come from my strange brain and a childhood of
reading and imagining wonderful adventures.
I strode back inside cutting my eyes at the
thermostat to see if it was maintaining the correct temp, it was within a
degree or two of my desired coziness, so I continued toward my lazy boy chair,
“the big brown chair” as it was named by a close friend and the name stuck, now
everyone calls it “the big brown chair” I have spent the last few years in
intense reflection and healing and this chair has been a major part of that
healing. I’m grateful for the comfort and peace that has been found in it.
again I was attempting to place my newly fat ass back in the big brown chair and was already reaching for a book attempting to continue the self-imposed
book reading marathon that had become an evening habit during the last
couple months, tonight’s book was “The Evolving Self” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. I like to read a few pages while digesting my
food with a little soft jazz and then wake early and do a little writing before
my day of intense fog horn whistling begins, damn, I really do enjoy being a
fucking pretentious asshole at times.
while sitting down into my chair, I suddenly felt both of my shoulders get
heavy, it felt like a huge weight was being applied directly on top of them,
then a tingling sensation started from my shoulder blades and ran down my arms
toward my fingers, this was followed by nausea and dizziness, I felt like I was
going to pass out, it was very unsettling and uncomfortable, I got really
scared, I began to sit forward in my chair lowering my head and reaching for my
cell phone, thinking, if I'm going to fall out, I will roll onto the floor and
I was just
sitting there on the edge of my chair thinking “Damn it !!!... I’m having a
heart attack or a stroke, I’m gonna to die right here, right now, Die, right
here, right now” “This just sucks; I’m not ready to die…..” Not like this, 49
years old... fading away like this… Hell, I've been fading away for the last 3
years, this sucks. I’m not ready…"holy shit I've never really taken care
of myself…. I always believed I would die young and knew this shit would happen
one day… but as I've aged I thought it would be cancer or liver failure maybe a
stroke.. but this feels like a heart attack, Fuck this just sucks.
The feeling of hopelessness was overwhelming, I had no control over
what my body was doing, that feeling passed, then, this feeling and
understanding came over me, a feeling of acceptance, oh yeah, I have no control over this event, if I die,
cognitive process being somewhat complete.
I now understood, I was completely at the mercy of the events that were
happening to my body. I was dying,
impotent and helpless, I had no control over this situation and was
literary alone at this moment and in this world and would be leaving it sooner than I had thought.
cold sweats hit me, it’s an odd feeling to be clammy cold and sweaty at the
same time, I laid my head back in my chair and at that second the nausea and
dizziness started to subside.
changing event only lasted about 2 to 3 min, it felt much longer.
I've never felt that degree of helplessness and
There was no coming to god moment for me, nor
did my life flash before my eyes. I thought
about my children and loved ones, I felt regret at being an overall disappointment
to most of them. But somehow I've always
known they would all be OK without me. Mostly, I felt anger at dying alone,
sitting in a lazy boy chair, fading away…that just seemed really fucking lame
and sad to me. (Narcissism, everyone is good at something.)
I grew up during the 60’s and 70’s; I’m
supposed to go out in a blaze of glory. Nope not me, I’m just going to fade the
fuck away sitting in a lounge chair with tuna crumbs falling down my shirt.
I did not call 911 nor go to the hospital. As
scary as this event was, I made the decision based on monetary reasoning; Honestly,
I can’t afford to go to the hospital. That is truly fucking sad.
will go down as the 2nd dark ages in medicine; greed has become more important
than a healthy life in America.)
morning, I went to my local grocery store and sat down in one of those blood
pressure machines (cool machine) my blood pressure was 147/101. I ask the
pharmacists if I should be concerned with those numbers as I didn't have a clue
and was guessing those numbers were not very good. She said I should go
directly to the hospital emergency room. I smiled and thanked her and went home
and Goggled high blood pressure. A few days later I called a doctors office and made an
appointment for a complete physical and blood work. When I arrived at the doctor's office it quickly became a fucking fiasco, you see, I made the unholy mistake of asking how much the physical and blood work would cost me up front before the services? Unfortunately, not a single one of the sixteen people behind the counter had ever meet me before, so they all acted as if I had spoken some ancient dialect from some far away planet and everyone of them made the unwise choice to ignore me. So... I politely ask again, I got the same response, no response, that always makes me, just a little bit more stubborn. At this point I calmly insisted, that I believed it was a reasonable request of information, I went on to explain that when any customer wants to know what a service costs, before receiving the service, they are entitled to be given that information. And I'm a little confused on why it is not posted up on the wall like McDonald's. I felt a wave of awe and support from the other patients in the waiting room, they all really wanted to stand up and support me, but they were far to fearful of what could happen, you see, they could see the deep levels of contempt that had begun to form behind the counter all 16 of those paper pushers were either overtly ignoring my request or consulting each other with bewilderment while they all were cutting their judgmental eyes directly at me, did this patient really think he could challenge them? holy shit, I even got a little scared, I had disturbed the hive, but I realized quickly their plan was in keeping us all ignorant and in awe of the magic they performed behind those computers while clad in those pristine white lab coats wearing those fancy neon pen necklaces, NO it is all a distraction to keep us all blinded to the extreme greed that has overtaken health care. I fought off the fear and pressed forward.. I spoke a little louder and theatrically enunciated every word "HOW MUCH WILL THIS PHYSICAL AND BLOOD WORK COST?" They called for the office manager and she and I went into a small cubicle, amazingly we had reasonable intelligent adult conversation she quoted me a price for the services that I felt was fair and I quietly returned to the waiting room receiving mental high fives from all of my fellow sickos. Both my doctor and nurse are woman, I like dealing with educated professional woman they are smarter than men and men in the medical field are just to damn arrogant. My doctor said my overall health was good, but the fat around my belly was going to kill me, I had gained over 25 pounds during the last 2 years and I was proud of that fact, I wanted to get fat and eating was the way to do that, I had grown out my grey beard and looked more or less like Santa Claus, I liked the way the weight felt on me and was going to get fatter. I had stopped chasing women and drinking beer and fallen head over heals in love with good tasting food. And now my doctor tells me I have to lose weight exercise and eat healthy... are you fucking kidding me? all those years of bad behavior and your telling me FOOD is going to kill me. OH Heeeell no, I was pissed. But I'm not stupid so as of today, I’m on high blood pressure
medication, I exercise everyday and eat less of the good tasting (wrong foods) and eat more rabbit food (good foods).
It did feel
a little strange when the doctor asked me,
"Do you have a lot of stress in your life?"
I never know
how to answer that question. so while looking directly into her eyes I smiled
and quietly said "Doc, I guess some people would say my life has been a
little stressful at times, but I guess we all learn to cope, don't we?”
While watching Monday Night Football last evening, I became frustrated and some what baffled as I could not locate the Jon Gruden mute button on my remote control, after failing to locate such button I finally concluded that my remote control was either defective or I was ignorant to the location of said button. So I called DIRECTV and requested further instructions on the exact location on my remote control.
Well, color me embarrassed, DIRECTV does not offer the Jon Gruden Mute button on my remote control model or on any of their other models, as of this writing.
That does not in any way make the need for such button any less desirable and I have sent this request to my entertainment provider (DIRECTV).
Please feel free to copy and send it to your entertainment provider.
I respectfully request, a Jon Gruden Mute button be installed on any future designs of any remote control for any and all entertainment providers and or TV devices produced after January 1 2014 and please offer at least 10 commercials free TV channels on or about the same date. (As some of us, will never buy any of the shit you try to stuff down our throats, no matter how many times you shove it in our faces.)
Your name here.
P.S. I took a break from the interwebs for the last 2 months and I must say, what a relief, the whole interwebs thingy is not, as interesting as one may have first thought, the world and it's people are much more enjoyable and interesting, your choice, enjoy !!
“This is very important -- to take leisure time. Pace is the essence. Without stopping entirely and doing nothing at all for great periods, you're gonna lose everything...just to do nothing at all, very, very important. And how many people do this in modern society? Very few. That's why they're all totally mad, frustrated, angry and hateful.”
― Charles Bukowski
“Nothing was ever in tune. People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Back, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, and then it all evaporated and fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice.”
― Charles Bukowski,
“those who escape hell
never talk about
and nothing much
― Charles Bukowski
Born like this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes”
― Charles Bukowski
“That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”
― Charles Bukowski,
“I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can't feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often.”
― Charles Bukowski,
“I wanted the whole world or nothing.”
― Charles Bukowski,
“Great art is horseshit, buy tacos.”
― Charles Bukowski
He could've tuned in, tuned in
But he tuned out
A bad time, nothing could save him
Alone in a corridor, waiting, locked out
He got up outta there, ran for hundreds of miles
He made it to the ocean, had a smoke in a tree
The wind rose up, set him down on his knee
A wave came crashing like a fist to the jaw
Delivered him wings, "Hey, look at me now"
Arms wide open with the sea as his floor
Oh, power, oh
High.. wide, oh
He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share
His key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere
But first he was stripped and then he was stabbed
By faceless men, well, fuckers
He still stands
And he still gives his love, he just gives it away
The love he receives is the love that is saved
And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky
A human being that was given to fly
Ambiguity of information, in words, pictures, or other media
is the ability to express more than one interpretation. It is generally
contrasted with vagueness, in that specific and distinct interpretations are
permitted (although some may not be immediately apparent), whereas with
information that is vague it is difficult to form any interpretation at the
desired level of specificity.
Vague words and incorrect statements.
When used by the merely clueless, vague words make an
article confusing and cause them to lack possibly important information. In the
hands of those with more sinister intents, they can be used to make articles
that are readable enough to impart wrong or biased information, but confusing
enough to prevent readers from questioning the reliability or factuality of the
Apathy (also called lethargy or perfunctoriness) is a state
of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement,
motivation and/or passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest
in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical and/or physical
life and the world.
US educational philosopher Robert Maynard Hutchins
summarized the concerns about political indifference when he claimed that the
"death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It
will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment."
Hey Google your kind of freaking me out. STOP IT !!
Maybe it's not Google, maybe it's just me. I've been known to have a skewed sense of perception, a little jaded, a little odd. The first time I heard about Kitten Bacon my mind was not full of these type images
My mind went to
So..... maybe I should trust Google to look out for my personal interests, they are a multi billion dollar company they would never sell me out for profit, use my personal information and images to help advertise, so they can make MORE money for Google, because god knows, if Google is in need of anything it isn't more MONEY.... Their doing this to bring us all together, in a type of Google community of shared information and support.. WOW Google you are more like a super hero than just a glorified search engine..
Google you are the wind beneath my wings
Google would never do any real harm ? it's just the internet, information has no real power, nothing to do with security, reputation, money, power, commerce, media, military or Government. It's just pictures, words and shit.. fun stuff..kittens and bacon.
I'm starting to feel as if maybe my personal information is being used for corporate gain, used and sold with no personal benefit for me or my family?
It's not as bad as packaging people and selling them to corporations? Is it ?
I'm not all that fast at learning lessons but when I get it.... I react, OK I'm working on less reacting and more responding, But I got this one, lesson learned.. as greed invades all aspects of life, including the inter-webs it has become smart and all most an imperative to keep private information private and who you are, is now private information.
DO NOT use your real name or share personal information on the internet, and if you have an account with your real name and information maybe it is now time to create a web persona and delete your real persona. Unfortunately, the powers that be, handle your information irresponsibly and it will take them far to long to figure that out.
So you need to protect yourself and fake it, there is no law YET that says you can not make up a persona for the inter-webs and keep your info off line, maybe Google and The face and the rest of the identity sellers will get it, when the internet is full of Mr and Mrs. Smiths, and Nunya is everyone's first name. when the inter-webs is full of Anonymous users and useless information for the corporations, yet family and friends will no exactly who Nunya Smith is and you can continue to communicate with your auntie Smith, brother smith and uncle smith.
Google, all you needed to do was keep it simple..... you're fuckin up a good thing...
DON"T BE DUMB ASSES !!
I enjoy Shakespeare and I like the idea of modern adaptations but some of the modern adaptations have really sucked, however, this one does not suck.....I really, really enjoyed this movie, in fact, I enjoyed it so much I purchased the DVD !!
A butterfly floats on the breeze of a sun lit day As I feel this reality gently fade away Riding on a thought to see where it's from Gliding through a memory of a time yet to come Smoke paints the air swirling images through my mind Like a whirlpool spin beginning to unwind And I stand at the edge cautiously awaiting As time slips by carefully navigating By the stars in the sky and I sit and I think to myself And on the horizon the sun light begins to climb And it seems like it's been so long since he shined But I'm sure it was only yesterday A cold chill of fear cut through me I felt my heart contract to my mind I brought the image of light and I expanded out of it My fear was just a shadow and then a voice spoke in my head And she said Dark is not the opposite of light It's the absence of light And I thought to myself she knows what she's talking about And for a moment I knew what it was all about.
Along with many of you this week I was a TV land witness to the (Car chase) and what I will personally classify as an excessive force murder of Mrs. Miriam Carey.
As I was going through my day Friday the incident and the media response would come up in conversation with others. I will admit, I had formed a sum what unpopular opinion from the limited information I had been exposed to, but I was more than willing to listening to what others had to say on the situation. However, it did not take long for others to parrot what I characterize as media buzz words in our conversations about this terrible situation.
Buzz words used by the media to describe this young lady.
Bizarre behavior (How many of us are guilty of this one?)
Obama’s Baby Mama (That one, was not from media my friend Heather said it.)
I find the crass and inexcusable labeling done by the media disgusting. We have an irresponsible media in the United States that seems to have a need to label people without the information to make such broad and far reaching distinctions between assumed characterizations and the true character of an individual. They do not investigate with an eye toward fact or take the time to verify what they are reporting, but they still irresponsibly report it for the entire world to see, disturbingly mostly the media has become nothing less than a cheap tabloid.
They vilify anyone who crosses the powers that be and place everyone in law enforcement on a hero pedestal, that characterization is unearned, unjustified and dangerous.
Law enforcement is made up of individuals and like any job some of them do their job well and are deserving of our praise (not heroes) but there are people in law enforcement that are not of the right temperament, unqualified or completely lacking in the skill set to do the job correctly.
Blanket statements of any organization, except congress and the media is ignorant. LOL
If I understand correctly the first barrier that Mrs. Carey encountered was a temporary barrier at the white house and as I have not yet seen any video of that encounter, I will hold my judgment of what happened at that first encounter with Law enforcement.
However, as we have all seen the video from the second encounter, and it is plain to see that Mrs. Carey was surrounded by at least five men with guns pointed directly at her. She reacted in an unwise and possibly malicious way; however, her actions could also have been out of fear, self-preservation and a protective instinct for her child.
You may think you know how you would react in a similar situation, but do you really know?
How would you react with 5 men pointing guns in your face while in your car with your child?
What is also evident in one of the videos is that some of these temporary barriers rise up from the pavement and as a capital police officer runs his car over one, there seems to be little attempt to warn people of the impending emergence of these barriers from under the ground. This officer was in all likelihood a little more familiar with the placement of these barriers yet he still wrecked his car on one and as Mrs. Carey was probably unfamiliar with the area, could the first encounter with a barrier at the white house been a simple accident and as we have seen in her second run in with law enforcement, could that first encounter also been with an over reactive police force? And this all started with her fearful of the initial situation and it just continued to escalate.
Either way this is a very sad event and should not be taken at face value especially with only the information you are given by an irresponsible, sensationalized and unethical media.
We have not seen what happened at the white house or what happened before this video however, it is more than evident from this video, that law enforcement vehicles marked and unmarked forced her car into that location, she then barely hit a barrier that blocked a side walk into a park, not the white house or the capitol, it's a park near the capitol, then five or six officers surrounded her car and at least one of them tried to force his way into her car, she then reverses her car, stops, then five officers guns come out and are pointed at her, she then backs into a law enforcement car and flees and while fleeing law enforcement officers begin running and shooting at a moving car with a an unarmed young lady and her child in it. The media has reported that Mrs. Carey then struck a police car at a high rate of speed a few blocks away and then crashed her car where she is shot and killed by officers.
REALLY!? look at the picture of her car, it has very little front end damage, not the kind of damage a car gets from striking another car at a high rate of speed.
Our media even sucks at misinformation.
Were those officers in danger? Was the capital in danger? Was the President in danger? Is Mrs. Carey being unfairly maligned in the media to serve a purpose? What is that purpose?